OBAMA and OSAMA

Never, ever before in history (to the best of my knowledge) two opposite forces have name which rhymed so well to represent "yin and yang". This is like examples simplified by some super-natural forces/coincidence for us to understand.

I don't need to remind people again that how Osama was a comrade of americans, while fighting Russians to liberate Afghanistan, and so, was actually helped to reach at a position which helped him later to make his voices reach millions and join the war against his old allies. Which proves how seemingly opposite forces are bound together, inter-wined and interdependent in the natural world, giving rises to each other in turn. Just the same way how years of war all over keeps american economy running to be the worlds biggest economy.

And now after all these years, when the much hyped "change" is arrived in the face of Obama, Osama has reached a status when it is more important for USA to catch him, for not to stop his actions as the so called "Jihad" has already in the self energized fusion reaction, but just to keep there promise to his country men.

Today some weekly magazines are covered with the faces of both of them, with "will OBAMA can catch OSAMA" headlined. Well in my humble opinion we should just let him pass to an un-noticed and not so special death in his rocky pakistani adobe.

And, for Obama, i am waiting to see, is this is just one more american fairy tale or they (americans) have finally arrived, as after seeing this change i have a hope that "rome will not got to dust" this time.

My "Cenophobia"

I am feeling good today, as i finished one more great masterpiece, "The Great Indian Novel" i was reading for last 45 days. But it also brings back two problems i always feel after finishing every book.

First, what to read next? Now thats a really difficult question i comes across every time, i spend minutes standing between two doors of my cup board full of books collected for last eight years from second hand book shops. Why?, because every-time read a good book (which i always make sure to do by reading classics and highly recommended by distinguished people), i want to read something even more better than the last, something which makes my grey matter stir more than before. As you see i like my grey matter "stirred not shaken".

Second, to start this book in public place. As my favorite reading place is local train which i use to travel to my work place and back, that's where usually the first pages are turned. It's an awkward thing to start a book in train because, thou i have seen lots of reader who believe, like me, not too waste that time by nodding on the person next to you, or by reading advertisements on wall of the coach, but by making new sparks up there just like the ones happening up there between the bogie and the electric cables. But i have never seen some one starting a new book there. Never, never-ever in my life. And that's why i feel like i am on to something unspeakable. What i hate is the look on peoples face when they see me doing this. What do they think?, "bloody show offer, reading here to look like an intellectual" or they just hate to see me so comfortable in such a place as usually what i hear around is just people cursing the whole system (or the "hole" system). Thou its a really difficult place to be in, packed from all direction, with one hand holding over-head rods to support and book in second by the  spine of the book, which i read somewhere was the worst way to hold a book, no, not for me, but for the book (of course written by a bibliomaniac). But even worst than this place is when I am standing between two rows of seats and people sitting down looks at my book and then my face, which always makes me feel they are trying to see weather what i am reading matches my face or not. I bet if thats the case the only book which will match my face will be "Letters from the Penthouse", (no, i don't look like those hot blondes) .Thou i haven't read one yet but, hmmmm i should do it, sometime.

So my problem this time is that i want to start the famous Discovery of India by Jawaharlal Nehru, and to tell you the truth the edition i bought is really big in size even thou its a papeback. And i am sure the picture of Mr Nehru on the book will not match my bloody rowdy face.

96

Position "96"

-noun

1. opposite of infamous 69 position,  when couple sleep in bed after a quarrel. Practiced when two people have to share same bed, due to circumstances, even when they dont want to see each others face. Also practiced after a small love quarrel, which gives a good position to keep hitting each other.

2. also practiced by night travelers of  Indian Railway, when they are traveling half-seat i.e. one berth shared by two people.

Origin: 
4th November 2008

Mumbai, India

by Gaurav Chandelya

COMMUNIGNORATION

[kom-yoon-ig-nohr-ay-shuhn]

-noun

1. to ignore any kind of communication deliberately.

2. usually practiced by workaholics to re-energise themselves

Origin: 
6th November 2008; after lunch approx 1500 hrs

Mumbai, India

by Gaurav Chandelya

15kbs of fame

Finally, i did it.
I "coined a phrase".

15kbs of fame

means that everyone will have a data about himself on internet of at least 15 kbs. Variation of Warhol’s famous statement, but adjusted for current era, where every one wants to have results for there name googled on net.

"i am famous for 15 kbs, on certain website.”

Also an unit for the amount of data available on your name, where 15 kbs make one unit, so if my homepage is 45 kbs,

“i will be famous for 15 kbs thrice.”

HOPE

Well i surprised myself by writing this poem,
this, i wrote for a very dear friend, who once was very near.
Well they are expecting, and i knew no other way to send my wishes.


Well, hope you are well
and baby in the well, of life

may your health flourishes
and so does the flower, which reaches

to not just you and him
the creator of her or him

but to all of us, who needs between us
man, not by sense of the structural and functional differences
but men as the idea goes
men, who will destroy the division between us
division by the sense of the racial and religious differences.

- gaurav

the "HOT SEAT".

As we recently shifted to new office building, where we get a single floor to us with two toilets to our "disposal", women in our office(2 against 9 men) demanding separate wash-room. Well I am not opposing the demand like some inconsiderate males, and those which I am very sure are the filthiest when it comes common hygiene. What I am opposed to the reason they are giving, thou they haven't said it, but well we all know what the reason is. The classic question echoed in the rooms of couples, whose relation-"ship" were turning into submarine, going under water.

WHY DON'T YOU EVER LIFT THE SEAT?

Well, because we don't need to!

When we men go to loo for "pee-ing" we do it in a position, where our body doesn't come in contact of "the SEAT". And when females does it, well we know, they does. So why we are the one who are supposed to lift the toilet seat and place it back, when the arrangement can be reversed and seat can be left in the upright position and should be laid down when needed, which are mostly by them. And they should leave it back standing, so we don't have come in touch until of course we are in need of it mostly once a day.

Now people will say what an ass-hole I am, well I will not feel bad about it as this word at least fit the scenario. And I am ready to take these volley of abuses for the sake of "mankind", as why should we do something which is not for us. You women need equal right, well it starts from here, the toilet seat. take it, its your right to lay it down and "then leave it up". Not for us, but for yourselves.

As Ayn Rand(one of your kind said in her mammoth novel "Atlas Shrugged") -

“I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”

So if "she" is right, isn't I am right by saying

“I swear by my morning breakfast and my love of it that I will never lift "the seat" for the sake of another woman, nor ask another woman to lift for mine.”

To wear, or not to wear, that is the Question

My new theory, the gap between the “rich” and “not so rich” is increasing with inverse proportion of the decreasing size of electronic chips in computers.

Well I know you all agree with this, so I will not waste time on explaining this, but I will tell you a conversation taken place which tells how differently people thinks from the either side of valley.

Background : Karan my colleague is this guy from well to do family. I was exiting my office with Karan for an Ice Cream break. (well here I want to make it clear, “I am not gay”), we met our boss’s driver Sanjay, on the way out. As our office is a “shoe-free” zone, we were wearing our shoes, when the driver, Sanjay noticed that Karan had his socks on.

Sanjay : Why are you wearing socks inside office?

Karan : So my feet shouldn’t get dirty.

Sanjay : But why to spoil such a nice pair of socks.

Karan : So what, socks will get washed.

Sanjay : But they will get torn fast too.

Karan : I will buy new ones.

Sanjay : But why to wear at first place, you can wash your feet, but socks life will be short.

Karan : What about my life, its so dirty inside, (actually it’s not, I myself stays bare feet, and anyway I think ours is one of the cleanest office I had ever seen, and I have seen alot) what if I get sick.

Sanjay : So what, take a leave, but to get new socks money will be spend.

I laughed at that time, as I was relieved to be on the other side of the valley. I don’t want to think about my socks, I want to live life. But am I on the better side, or are there are more valleys there, where people doesn’t look at the right side of menu? Well I do.

Number of people to eat "GOL GAPPA's" in a group.

Well answer is 3, why? keep reading.

First thing first, thou I am in Bombay, and people here use the term "paani puri" instead of "gol gappa's", I will stick with the second term which is my first love as I hail from Delhi.and second , "GOL GAPPA" sounds more exotic.

Now, before getting on to prove my point I would like to make another point. There are two kinds of food, one, which any number of people can eat together and it makes no difference to the taste. Second kind are where only a certain number of people can eat together, or if the numbers are increased or decreased it makes the direct effect on the taste of the food.

Example for the first kinds are Ice cream, 100 people can sit together and enjoy the same taste, Chicken burger, again any number of people can sit together to eat and enjoy the same taste. Only that waiting period to get you turn might be little uncomfortable, but once you get your prey in your paws, you can enjoy the marvellous achievement of men to think of the composition of chicken, wheat, cabbage and mustard together to get that delicious taste.

Example for the second kind is "GOL GAPPA". Well issue with gol gappas are that the can't be eaten in one go, but you have to wait for your turn after every piece is served to you. Of course there are some so called first grade eating places which serve you gol gappas in a plate and with a bowl of fillings and masala water. Well I think these people should be hanged till death on two counts. First for breaking the rules of society and for inducing people to eat it that way. Because gol gappas are supposed to be eaten while standing on the street corner or the crowded market, its a part of whole experience. Its just not about eating some snack, its about looking at girls standing across the counter, its about chatting rubbish as even so called highly intellectuals can't discuss about world economy while eating these amazing pieces of heaven.

Now my point, answer is 3, why? See, when you had your piece the exact time for enjoying the taste for gol gappas are usually time taken by bhaiya (gol gappa wala) to serve three people. As soon as the gol gappa comes to your plate you have to put it in your mouth otherwise the water will leak out. While he makes the second on for the second person in your group you are chewing your piece, when the second person has kept his piece in his mouth and when the bhaiya is making piece for the third person you have almost finished eating your piece and trying to collect small pieces from every corner of your mouth and enjoying the spices. And as soon as the third person has finished eating his piece, bhaiya is ready to make your piece and so are you.

Well why 3? because if you are two in a group you will get the your second piece too fast while you are still enjoying the left over, and if you are four then you have to wait for five seconds more for your piece, which will spoil half the fun of these little pieces of heaven.

Well, usually time taken by all bhaiyas is same, difference will be in seconds which doesn't make that much difference.
So, all those food lovers out there next time you go out for snacks either take two more of your friends or wait for the second group and enjoy.

Distance between mouth and the plate.

I have a new theory, that the waist of a person is inversely proportionate to the distance between the person and the buffet, and also how close one holds the plate to his/her mouth. Try looking around you, and you will notice people practising this every where. So how they do this, do they do it intentionally or, as some psychologist will put it, "its encoded in the DNA of our body, which remembers and acts how stone man used to eat meat, like animals using his mouth". Not sure what is right but the second explanation looks scientific, and so more acceptable to the modern man. But why there were no obese people in stone age, or might be they were their but stone man left no signs of it, and they did this better than roman's. Roman's tried their best to make the statues of good looking young men, but like now then also their were old, fat critics of reasons, who made sure that history should not forget their kinds.

So why this theory of my can be proved right and why things are the way they are, I am not sure but, I have an explanation. Its all about saving time, as the key is time spend on eating. Doesn't believe me, wait, here's the explanation:

1. if you stand near the buffet you spend less time travelling between your palace and the food source. (you can also keep eye on which dish is about to be finished, so you can fill that one in your plate.

2. If you keep plate near your mouth you will spend less time between two spoonfuls.

3. as now you figure out, all this is about time, now my scientific reason,. Your stomach needs time to realise that it's full. So if you eat fast enough you can fill in enough before stomach can send the message to brain.

4. and anyway with fully filled stomach body works slowly, that's why you get lazy, see .. see.. I am right, and as your body will be getting lazy, the signals to the brain will be slow.

5. but with good practise you can keep your hand run fast enough to out beat the communication between the stomach and the "brain".

So guy's out there who wanna be fat, just eat fast enough.
Happy eating.

what is "right"?

Life is short, I agree?
But then should we take decisions ethically as told in scriptures, or should one lets his whims ride wild, because isn't one should always do what one feels like.
But then what if that's not ethical?
So, that means one can't decide what's just if that doesn't come naturally.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Who is Gaurav Chandelya?

Well, yes! This is taken from the very first line of "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand, which I started to read today. This is my second attempt on this book. Last time I left it after 55 pages to be precise. No, I didn't found it boring, it was just not the right time. Yes, I do believe that books & films are needed to be read/seen at right time. Specially books as they take several hours of our life, and its a really bad feeling when you read something and "you can't take anything away from it". It happened once with me after reading this novel called "Five o' clock news". It was nothing, nothing to read, nothing to think, nothing to........ just nothing. Not that it's always bad, as I am a die hard fan of "Seinfeld : a series about nothing" as they call themselves, but it still has so much, that we overlook in real life.

And that's why I started to read this book again as I just finished "Romantic Manifesto" by Ayn Rand and, I felt the need to be read about heroism. Last time I read about a hero in "Fountainhead" it changed my life, I left my job : ) and started chasing my dream. Not that I was not doing earlier, just my approach was not ideal.

Now I am on the right path? so I am scared, what will I do after reading this. Yes it sounds stupid, but I love her text and I will let myself get carried away. As I love to live an ideal life.

What is Heroism?
If it's about "HERO", then...
Who is hero? the one who doesn't let his ideas fall for the practilitty of life?
I don't know, but i will try to figure out, how?
I'll walk the line.
Fall.
Get up.
Fall.
Get up.
And finally, hopefully I'll learn,
to be a "HERO"

its difficult sometime to answer

Wasn't very good at studies in school, well that was out of choice but used to get in sticky situations where I didn't used to have answers for my teachers. After schooling was done , I thought this is the end of it, but no then came the bosses. But as I love my work, I usually have answers. But day before yesterday, I got in the situation where I had answer but couldn't give, for not to offend the questioner.

I was supervising repair of our editing machine at my studio, and the man in the question was the engineer, easily 20 kgs over-weight and 4 inches extra and not very suitably fit for this job of his. After figuring out the problem we got on to chatting while testing the machine which required several restarts. So after talking about from where I was, where am I putting up and after g to know that I live alone he asked what I do about my food?

I gave him my routine of my as it hardly changes, usually out of choice as I am trying to control my weight : ! He accepted my breakfast which consists of just milk & mueslli, he didn't asked about the lunch which I usually get at my studio, cooked in-house. But the "?" came on his face when I told him that my dinner is usually 3 boiled eggs

Questioneer : Why?
Me : hmmmmmmm ( i was trying to figure out the question)

Questioneer : You should eat well!
Me : hmmmmmm ( Oh! now I got it, my meal is not up to the usual Indian dinner standard, ever seen an Indian Thali)


















Questioneer : When one is living alone, one should eat well!
Me : Hmmmm (like you?)

Questioner : ? (staring at me for an answer)
Me : hmmmmmm (Well, how to tell him that people should not preach what they don't practice, or understand what does eating well means. This over weighted person who was struggling to get under the editing table, panting after getting up and down couple of times. I don't eat like a that any more as I used to be like that once, 10 kgs and 2 inches more.)

Luckily the system got restarted at that moment or else I had to answer that question for which I had answer, but how to tell an obese that I am happy being "lite" with my boiled eggs.